The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
