I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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