I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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