Did you just see the Batmobile???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
