forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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