Im at strip club and am horny
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
