we made out on top of his cat.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
