The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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