Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
