Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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