you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
