I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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