I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
