he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
