just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
