It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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