That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We need to get me chipped asap
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
