I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
