So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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