What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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