Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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