oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
