Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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