3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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