So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
