Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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