Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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