we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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