mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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