Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
