I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
