Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
