i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
