mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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