out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize