You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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