there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
