i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
