just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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