goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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