The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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