no, he came in my armpit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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