peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize