remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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