At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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