Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
