Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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