We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
