I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
