I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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