i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize