Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
