is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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