I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
