I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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