His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
