so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
