I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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