Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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