who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
