I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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