All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
