Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
