Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize